Unprecedented

Riley Terr

"When it's your day, it's your day."

That was the call from the booth in the 5th inning of the Mariners-Astros game after the finish of a day that would be considered undoubtedly the greatest hitting performance in MLR history. Well, barring that it happened in a loss. Also, barring that it was the 2nd time it had happened;  the 1st time being earlier in that same session.

It was a sunny but cool 50 degrees in Fake Minneapolis as the Twins crowd settled in for a contest against the Toronto Blue Jays. The Twins were on a roll, and having won 8 of their previous 10 games, were looking to assert themselves as the top spot in the AL West and possibly the American League. The Blue Jays were also asserting themselves as a top candidate for the American League, and this session was sure to show who would be top dog. However, the real top dog was neither of these teams, but rather the leadoff hitter for the visitors, Ziggy Ceder. Ceder started off the day doing what some (though very few) had done before him. A 5 diff leadoff homer put the Jays atop before many fans had settled in their seats to see what happened.

In the 2nd inning, Collins tried again to chop down the mighty Ceder. Yet again, Ziggy remained on top of his game, this time with a 1 diff home run, his 2nd of the day. Suddenly the Jays were up big. The crowd in Minnesota was silenced, and the Blue Jays dugout was ecstatic. Ziggy became the 5th player in the season to hit for 2 homers in a game, and they were in his first 2 at bats, a marvel of fake baseball prowess.

Ceder's 2nd home run of the day

In the 3rd, Ziggy came up to the plate again, but this time had the worst at bat of either player mentioned in this article. On a 324 pitch, a 287 swing landed a 37 diff double. Still, 10 total bases through 3 at bats is a respectable day for any batter, and Ziggy was not yet done. But now, another game with another star was about to start.

Out in Houston, a small rain delay gave the game a late start time, and though the star of the show was not on the winning side, she made sure that everyone knew who the best player in the game was. Miwa stepped up to the plate for the first time in the first inning, and with no one on base, an 0-2 bomb on an 8 diff gave the Mariners a 1 run lead.

Back in Minnesota, Ceder stepped up to the plate again in the top of the 6th. A full count on him, Ceder went for a big hit again, and it was just his day. As the ball sailed to left field, Ceder stood in awe, and the home crowd started to cheer. A feat that was never done before in fakebaseball- a 3 home run game- had just happened. The Blue Jays went on to win handily 13-6 in Minnesota, but the day was about Ziggy. 4 at bats, a total of 46 diff in those 4 at bats. This was unheard of. This was unprecedented in fakebaseball, and even moreso for a contact hitter. This would be the only 3 hr game in fakebaseball history.

For the next few hours.

Langley was back up at the plate, and got ready for her 2nd at bat. Langley began yelling in Japanese, and it was clear that she was in her game, as the 0 diff HR was rocketed out on what seemed to be an aluminum power hit. The ball left the park and Langley stood in the box watching the ball soar. A rocketing shot put the Mariners only back by 4, putting the score at 7-3, all runs that Langley drove in.

In the top of the 5th, Langley had another chance for a big hit. The score was still 7-3, and it seemed at this point like she was the only one who could drive in runs for the Mariners. Well this continued to be true, as Langley, as a half-taunt to Balfour, brought chopsticks to the plate to swing instead. It didn't matter, as another inside heater was turned on and smoked to left, a 2 diff homer in Langley's final at bat of the game.

Langley's 3rd home run in 3 at bats in Houston

This feat had never been done before in MLR history. It was now done twice over the course of 2 games in the same session, both times by contact hitters.

This day saw some incredible feats. Ziggy had a phenomenal day: 4 swings with total difference of 46. Try averaging an 11.5 difference on 4 swings in a row; in other words, pick a number 1-100, and Ceder will get within 1 all 4 times.

Or even more impressive; Langley's 3 home runs in 3 at bats, averaging 3.3 diff per at bat, for a total difference of 10 in 3 at bats. In other words, pick a number 1-100 and Langley got it exactly right 3 times in a row.

This type of performance is unheard of, and it was not expected to happen for a long time. Instead, it happened twice in the same session. This performance is unprecedented, and probably will evade us for quite a few more sessions before it is seen again.

When it's your day, it's your day. But you might not be alone.

Looking back on this session, it is quite interesting to see how many things have changed. Ziggy, the contact righty for Toronto, had 23 other at bats during the season, and while batting a respectable .333, had only 1 home run outside of the famed session 8 performance. So far this season, Ziggy has seen the plate 5 times, and is still awaiting his first hit of the year.

Daniel Collins, who gave up 2 of those 3 homers, is yet to find his mojo. He maintained approximately a 5 ERA throughout the year, and ended up in San Francisco after Minnesota left the league following session 12. This year with the Indians, he's pitched 5 innings and allowed 11 earned runs. At the time of this article's publishing, he resides in Los Angeles.

Miwa Langley is nowhere to be found, possibly retired, possibly in trouble with the law, but certainly has her status unknown to every media outlet and even the league itself. Miwa played a few more games before being traded to Montreal, though never appearing in the Montreal locker room after the trade. It was said that she had a flight connecting through Kansas City from Seattle to Montreal, but left with her bags in Kansas City. Officials have been searching for her, but she is yet to be found, and no contact has been available through her family or fiancée since.

Phokits was quickly done with the league. Though he earned the win against the Mariners, after he gave up 3 homers to the same player, he decided to leave the league, though he is not officially retired according to league records. He currently is a free agent, and since his performance, he has been living in his Arizona home happily with his wife and 3 children. He has not announced plans to return to the league, but has not ruled it out, according to some sources.

While the feat is impeccable, it bears mentioning that the feat may be done again. Likely sooner than not, the fakebaseball gods will smile upon another youngster, looking to make a name for him/herself, and we'll see another 3-HR game. Yet, the fact that the feat occurred twice [so far] in 2 and half seasons of fake baseball, and both occurrences happened on the same day- well, frankly, that may be a feat we never witness again.